BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!

I'm back! Did you miss me?

I reflect on all the adventures I have had in internet dating over the years and lol about it until I pee my pants. I think, "I should have been blogging all along. This stuff epic, legit and entertaining." I love to make people laugh, you know?

For the next few months I am just going to blah, blah, blah about my daily adventures. It's for real and I need to expose a slice of it to just verify to the world that I am who I say I am.

My last adventure was two weeks ago. I usually have one to three adventures a week, but I have been down with a migraine. I'm nursing myself back to life, so the stories will be picking up again next week.

OK, so Skip thought he was a sugardaddy and he wanted to meet me. I knew from the start that he was fake. He listed his income at under 200K, so it was obvious that he was just some middle class loser who was desperately wanting to buy a girlfriend. I am not for sale, but he didn't have to know that.

Before the date I told him that I was going to wear a very sexy, low-cut blouse just for him. I've been a hustler my whole life and I know how this game is played. This keeps the losers from standing you up. I wasn't going to leave my apartment unless I was assured the free dinner.

We had dinner and then went to the casino. The date had lasted many long, boring hours, so by 1am I was ready to dis Skip. All he could do was bitch because I had worn a sweater over my sexy blouse. It was cold. Fall weather dictates a sweater, buttoned up.

To make matters worse, he kept touching me, holding my hand, kissing me - on the lips! This was our first date! He was no gentleman. A lady always makes the first move. I never kiss on a first date. This kind of behavior is interpretted as sexual molestation. Desperate guys suck.

He was travelling so I suggested a few local hotels. Unfortunately, I had made the mistake of bringing him back to my place after the casino. Never allow random men into your home! Even if sparks are flying and you know he is your future husband. If that is the case, he will still be around next month and you can invite him over after you have met in public a few times.

So, he asks if he can stay over. It was 2am. Whatever. Stay. Good dog. Down. Down, boy! I said, down!

I said he could sleep on my living room floor (like a homeless person! For real - I live across the street from the homeless shelter and my friends know that if you get kicked out of the shelter they can come sleep on my floor).

He laid down on the floor, then asked me to come cuddle with him. BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Again, I say - BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That was the most ridiculous thing I had heard in years. Now you know why I like internet dating so much!

I said, "Good Night!" and went to my room.

In our conversations during our date I had told him that I would build him a web site if he bought a digital camera for me. That is the deal of the century, and he knew it. A site would have normally cost him at least a grand.

So, the next morning he says that he wanted to buy me a camera. We went to Best Buy and now I have the little Nikon that I've always wanted.

As for building him a web site: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Again, I say: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! and now you know why I like internet dating so much!